I’ve decided a class or two in Theology would be good. So I wrote a state of purpose for Graduate School and I got in.

Thought I would share it with you. Its always good to know your purpose. Maybe this will help you find yours. Blessings for the journey my friends.

 

It happened that day, that December day, in the Bay Area when the heavens opened up and poured out in biblical proportions. It was December 3rd, 2014 and my husband and I were celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary and had flown out of San Francisco that morning – that morning you wished you were Noah and had built an Ark.

We were leaving our hotel room for an anniversary dinner when the phone rang. I slid my finger across the screen and answered; it was Father John from a neighboring parish. He had been given my name by my sister-in-law. He wanted me to speak at an Advent Tea about my journey on the Camino de Santiago – a 500 mile walking pilgrimage across Spain to the tomb of Saint James (Santiago) in Santiago de Compostela.

I paused for a moment. I had never spoken to a group of people before, well not successfully anyway. I get a little nervous speaking in front of people, but saying yes seemed like the right answer. I guess Noah must have felt that way too, a little nervous that he might not be able to build that Ark. God laid before him an enormous task and he set out faithfully to achieve the impossible.

That’s how I felt about speaking before approximately 90 women, it seemed as impossible as building that Ark.

When I returned home from my trip, I had just four days to prepare my talk. It isn’t as though I haven’t written about my pilgrimage to Santiago before, in fact I have written about many of my pilgrimages and many of my spiritual experiences in daily life. I’ve even had them published in The Catholic Voice, but this was different. When I write I have the opportunity to say exactly what I want to say at the exact moment I mean to say it, so as to make the greatest impact. As a photographer, I also have the opportunity to use my photos to really bring the point home.

Now I was wrestling with this short 15 to 20 minutes I had to explain a subject so near and dear to my heart. The Camino or The Way (of St. James) is never undertaken lightly. It is usually preceded by a call – an inexplicable need placed in your heart to do something, in this case, something very crazy, walking 500 miles across Spain. I don’t speak Spanish and I am considerably ill-equipped, to quote a friend, “I don’t see someone who can walk 500 miles.” (I forgave him for that.)

As I wrote, I found myself explaining the events that led me to taking this 40 day journey from my door step and back again. I wrote and re-wrote, read and re-read, and as I did, I realized I was teaching them something. I was teaching them discernment because that is what God was teaching me. And now he was using me to remind these beautiful women of faith that He had placed something in their hearts as well; and, He wants them to find it, to seek it and in the process come to know Him and themselves in His eyes.

What holds you back? Fear? The unknown?

This was the easy part, right? I’m a writer and a storyteller. I do this every day through photos on Flickr and through the written word in social media. I combine these in my blog to inspire people on their journey of faith. Now I had to stand before these women and have words come out of my mouth.

Completely ill-equipped — me.

But I said yes, and I’m walking in faith.

The evening arrived and the heavens opened up and poured out again, but my Ark was ready, complete with photos.

I ran across the parking lot; a river of God’s abundant blessings flowed across the lot as I cowered in my poppy-colored hooded rain jacket (I had not worn it since my Camino.). Inside, the candles were lit, the tea cozies were in place, and the rain-soaked guests started to fill the seats. Father John began with a reflection on the art of journeying. He explained how Mary and Joseph journeyed to Bethlehem, how they set out in faith, and how their faithfulness fulfilled a prophecy. He introduced the women to the idea of journeying 500 miles across Spain, and then he introduced me.

Completely ill-equipped — me.

I stood at the end of the long narrow room gratefully trapped behind a podium where no one could see my quivering knees. I began to speak. My voice cracked as I read, “What is Pilgrimage? Pope Benedict said, ‘To go on pilgrimage is not simply to visit a place to admire its treasures of nature, art or history. To go on pilgrimage really means to step out of ourselves in order to encounter God where he has revealed himself’.”

I continued sharing how I had gone on several pilgrimages, and each time began to feel more and more as though God was calling me on these journeys of faith. I love traveling and being surrounded with people of faith, all faiths, and learning more about my own faith.

They graciously smiled.

I’m losing them.

 

I played a nice video of me in Spain with all of my belongings on my back. They smiled graciously. I’m losing them. I told them I knew for years that I wanted to walk “The Camino,” but I had forgotten it and God put someone in my life to remind me. I had been accidentally invited to a party because a friend invited her entire email list on Evite. The person who reminded me of The Way was there.

They roared with laughter.

I had them.

I told them I was afraid. I told them I googled everything I was afraid of, and every fear was met with “don’t be afraid.” I told them I didn’t have the funds, but somehow I managed. I told them my husband was pretty mad, but I needed his blessing; he put a love note in my backpack the night before my departure.

Their eyes filled with tears.

I told them that God had placed something in their heart too. “You know that thing you hold on so tightly to, that thing that you hide from everyone else out of fear?” God put that there and He wants to use for His kingdom.

Tears rolled down, laughter ensued and I felt the spirit moving in that room.

Completely ill-equipped — me.

I left that night knowing the Holy Spirit had used me to ignite a fire in His people – these beautiful women of Faith.

Now I need to be more-equipped.

I want to be able to search my brain for the knowledge of His written word. I want to grow in my faith so that I can share it with others, while grounded in word and tradition. I want your University to equip me to reach more of His kingdom. Yes, I know what I am asking, completely ill-equipped me. Yes, I know I am asking you to ignore my Junior College transcripts from 20 years-ago when I did not know I should never take accounting. Yes I know I am asking to be admitted to an awesome University. But you know what? Noah built that Ark, and I’m sure he was completely ill-equipped (what kind of tools could he possibly have had?), and I walked 500 miles across Spain and then stood before a room filled with people and spoke about it (honestly I can’t speak in front of two people.).

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13

As any pilgrim of The Camino will tell you, your Camino really begins once you arrive back home. God was teaching me discernment in those days leading up to my Camino, and I can think of no better place than a University steeped in the teachings of Saint Ignatius to continue my discernment.

In the words of Thomas Merton, “I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end… And the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so….”